I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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