Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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