Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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