brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
