That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
