it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
