I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
