Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize