I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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