I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize