I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize