I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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