i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
