I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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