omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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