i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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