he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
