i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
