OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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