When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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