I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
