i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
