Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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