So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
