i just wanna soil my oats bro
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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