I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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