you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
