after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
