We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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