He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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