at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Houston, we have a blender
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize