drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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