She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
