for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
