Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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