so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
