I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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