I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
