The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize