NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
