you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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