he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
