guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
