In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
