have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
