She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
