Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
