I heard we made out
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize