Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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