Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
