Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
