based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
