why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
