Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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