I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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