...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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