apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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