My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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