captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
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