better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
