that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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