i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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