We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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